I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
