You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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