So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
