Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
