im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
