I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My bed smells like the plague
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
