dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
