Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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