You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
