after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The uberlube is also flammable
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
