I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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