So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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