The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
