if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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