If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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