What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
