she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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