i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
