First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
