you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
