the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
