It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
