I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
