Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
