How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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