is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
