What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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