Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
