My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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