I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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