You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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