Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
