A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
