Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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