The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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