Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
