I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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