I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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