So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
