Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
