Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
