note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
