Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize