Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
