So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
