God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
