i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
