they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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