I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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