Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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