my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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