Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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