I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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