if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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