i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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