It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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