Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
