I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
