How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
