Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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