i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
