Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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