you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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