And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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