sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
