This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
